What is up with Gratitude?
Lately I have seen this word everywhere. Gratitude Gratitude Gratitude… On the cover of magazines, in the news, how it relates to health, how it is going to save us all. To be honest I sometimes get tired of hearing about it. And I have seen the “uggghhh” look roll across a client’s face when I mention a gratitude based activity. Are we on gratitude media overload? Perhaps, but here is the thing; working towards having gratitude can be awesome and may be worth doing for you. But much of the media I have seen fails to address the question of what all this hype actually means. So what the heck is it and how can it help.
My simple definition of gratitude is changing focus from “what I want” to “what I have.” Let us take a look at each.
How does a person feel when they focus on all the things they want: better car, a firmer tooshy, to be more like Suzy because she is perfect, or whatever this thing may be. They begin to feel inferior and as if they are not enough already. Talk about a downer, hello depression! Can this negativity be a motivator, yes! Can we find a better motivator, yes (thank goodness)! I realize none of us live in a perfect world and sometimes we need to change. So sometimes realizing what we want can be a roadmap for our goals and hints to our desires; both good things. What we need to use there “I wants” for is to make change. Not to focus on them and let then bring us down. How do we do this? Make a goal if you decide the want is worthy of your time and energy. Then let go to the negativity and work towards it or…
Focus on what you have. Everyone has good stuff in their life. But the good can’t help you fight the negativity, work towards your goals, or be happy unless you let it fill you up. So how to do this? How to get grateful? My favorite is a gratitude journal to get started. Or a gratitude board for the more visual. Both are reminders of what already fills you up. What has already gone well…what has already been accomplished. Because that positivity will be the energy that leads you onward and upward if you have goals you wish to achieve. And it gets easier over time. Your brain will adjust to the changes you are asking from it, and the positivity will start coming on its own. Yay positive change!
I feel like much of the media focuses on thanking those in your life… your spouse, parents, friends, checkout dude at Trader Joe’s but none of this means you need to go around with over adulating thanks to everyone you encounter in your day. That would seem insincere and perhaps a little creepy. But allowing for this small internal shift and working to retrain your brain to focus on what you do have in life will give you a whole new power and positivity that will help you, and those around you to feel good.
Do we need more info on this one? I think maybe. I am already planning follow up posts on gratitude so stay tuned.
Kelly Burris is a Marriage and Family Therapist and Wellness Coach in San Clemente California. For further information visit calicounseling.com. If you would like to schedule an appointment with Kelly she can be reached via email at calicounseling@gmail.com.